I don’t think my Dad is ever going to leave the couch.

Everyday I come home from work and it’s the same scene; Dad, laying on the couch, watching television.  It’s been six months since I moved back, and the picture has not changed. Not one bit. He hasn’t made any efforts to start exercising be active  – not the gym, not a trip to the dog park with Toby, not even a walk around the block. He hasn’t made any attempts to join any groups or volunteer, things that might help him socialize and feel useful.  He doesn’t even spend his time working on things at the house – inside or out.  He is rooted to that couch, much like the ugly paisley cover my mother made for it.  He only leaves it for a few things – to go to the kitchen, to the bathroom, and out to check the mail.  Honest.  I’m not kidding.

Well, he does leave the house for one other reason – doctor appointments and to get his prescriptions.  And for those trips, those very rare trips, he bitches and complains about it for a solid amount of time before he has to go. God help you if you try to get him to pick-up something other than his meds at Wal-Mart; I mean, it just takes so much out of of him simply to go to the pharmacy.  It’s not worth the drama to even mention it to him.

I don’t think my Dad is ever going to leave the couch.

He says he’s depressed.  He says he has no interest or motivation to do anything.  That all he wants is some “peace” in his life.  Peace from all his worries.  That he is tired, exhausted, and he “doesn’t feel like it.”   What is “it?”  It is anything and everything.

But is he willing to do anything to make things better?  No.  No he’s not.

So what do you recommend for the depressed?  Drugs?  Therapy?  I’ve tried both.  Drugs – he just doesn’t believe they’ll work.  That’s it.  Nothing else beyond it.  He doesn’t want to take them because he doesn’t believe in them.  I tried telling him that there’s nothing to “believe in,” it’s not like the Easter Bunny, it’s not something you necessarily need to have faith in.  The drugs are real – they have real chemicals in them, that react in your bloodstream produce a reaction, to have affect.  No need to believe, really.  Just try it out.  And after almost five months of being home, I got him to start taking some.

Therapy – well, this one’s a real frustration.  Here’s my Dad’s take on therapy:

That’s right.  Therapy is for people who don’t have real problems.  Yes, you heard him.  People with real problems, like himself, the therapists can’t do anything for them!  They can’t make sure he has enough money to live off of, to pay his medical bills, or cover him during an emergency.  They can’t give him good health, and they can’t get rid of any of the thousands of problems he has.

Did you know that?  Did you know that therapists don’t MAGICALLY SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS?  I mean, good god, look at all the time I’ve been wasting talking to that non-problem-solver.  All the money I threw away.  Had I know they weren’t there to solve REAL PROBLEMS….well, I could have saved me some money.

Jack: I believe that when you have a problem, you talk it over with your priest, or your tailor, or the mute elevator porter at your men’s club. Then you take that problem and you crush it with your mind vice. But for lesser beings, like curly haired men and people who need glasses, therapy can help.

So I asked him, does he think everything going to counseling – people like me – have fake problems?  That we sit around feeling sorry for ourselves with our pretend issues?  No, he doesn’t, he really doesn’t think about what other people are doing in therapy, he just knows that his issues cannot be helped by a therapist.  Well let’s see, what do you think:  depression, anxiety, panic attacks, compulsive behaviors/thoughts…how would one deal with these things?  Perhaps there are ways to COPE with these feelings?  Perhaps THAT’S why people go to therapy?

I know, I know I’m preaching to choir with most of you – but it’s just so damn frustrating.  And you know what is the most frustrating?   That the other main reasons he doesn’t go to a psychologist is because he “doesn’t have the money to waste on that crap!” (You know things are getting heated when Dad pulls out “crap.”  It’s the equivalent of most of us saying “bullshit.”  Not shit, but all the way to being angry enough to say bullshit.)  Because your sanity, and the possibility of having some peace in your life, isn’t worth a co-pay?

I don’t think my Dad is ever going to leave the couch.

And it makes me angry.  Every single day, I get a little more pissed off when I get home.  Because I know; I know that he’s not done anything to change his life’s outcome (and never has).  I walk in that door and can barely make eye contact when I see him on that couch, it angers and disappoints me so much.

He makes a real effort to be bright and cheery (for him, anyways) when I get home.  He does.  He tries asking about my day, tries talking about Toby and how lazy and ignorant he is, tries chatting me up about the latest in the news, or what documentary he’s seen on NetFlix or Hulu…and it kills me that I don’t want to talk to him.  That I have no desire to feed into this sad, pathetic life he’s created for himself.  On that couch.  That I want to jump up and down, and yell and scream for him to do something, anything, but I can’t.  I just can’t do it.  I am just too tired.  I’m at the end of a long day, and the end of a long struggle, with him.

So I engage.  I engage in the Jeopardy competition.  I engage in latest documentary he’s watched.  I engage in laughing about how stupid Toby is.  Simply because I know it brings him a little peace, a little happiness.  Even if it doesn’t do anything for me.

And I can’t change him.  I can’t make him do anything.  So I’m left with little choice but to try and fit myself into the small world that he’s created to live in.  A world that has shut most everything out, but an ugly, five-foot couch.

And for today – for tonight – that’s all I can do.

I’m sorry to bring you guys down with this post; it’s quite the follow-up after last night’s superficial rant on fashion, no?  Well here, I’ll make up for it a little.  The 30 Rock episode I referenced is from Season 5, “Chain Reaction of Mental Anguish.”  In it, Liz gets some cheap (free) therapy from Kenneth, who is turn has to get some from Jack.

Jack, who I quoted earlier, needs no therapy – or so he says.  Click on the link below to be taken to an awesome scene, where Kenneth reveals how he ate his “father pig.”  It’s a real treat 😉

http://videos.nymag.com/video/30-Rock-Chain-Reaction-of-Menta/player?layout=&title_height=24

Since I don’t have cable, I wasn’t able to watch the actual SAG Awards.  I am only able to cover the dresses from photos – which, as we know, can be quite different from how things look on film.  That being said, I’m going to judge away like I saw both!

I’m just going to be crazy (cray cray) and start with my favorite: Sofia V’s magenta gown.  What won me over with her dress was the color, honestly.  The cut is stylish and flattering, but it was the way the rich bold magenta looks on her skin that really did it for me.  I included the second shot because I wanted to show you a ponytail done well, as opposed to this next number.

Yeah, this is just the worst.  Sky blue and red? Bad color combination in my opinion.  And the velvety/satin look of the fabric, along with the Hawaiian print, is too reminiscent of the mid-90s.  To add insult to injury, she throws her hair back in a shoddy looking ponytail.  She needs to ride this out to the “Secret Life of the American Teenager” prom.

Look!  It’s a Glee Smash-Up!

Amber looks hot in this, except for the GIGANTIC bow, which is awful.  Love Dianna’s look, especially the color (and a lot of women were rocking the braids last night).  Jenna = Worst. Asian. Reprentation. Ever.  This rainbow mesh is a true mess and I won’t even get into the cut-out sides!.  Jayma – Beautiful dress.  Love the cut, love the material, love the color, love the back (look it up), love everything.

And Lea, dear sweet Lea.  I kinda feel like this is our fault.  Casting you in a role where you play the dorky, unpopular glee girl.  Putting you in the ugly catholic school girl socks and skirts.  We did this to you.  It only makes sense that you would start reacting to the overwhelming response to the show,  to you.  In order to shed that dorky persona (remember that awful Lady Gaga outfit she wore?), you had to rebel.  You had to go ALL THE WAY.  Now, the Golden Globes gown was far more outrageous, but this one is still over-sexified.  Yup, just created that term.  And not just the slit (although that is a major part of it).  It’s the entire way she’s carrying herself; the come hither looks.  It’s just too much.  Relax, girl – you can be sexy.  We believe you.  Now go put some socks on.

Here are a few more disappointments.   Busy, I don’t need to say anything about – but I will.  GOD AWFUL.  Michelle’s dress is a nice cut and shape.  The problem for me is the material.  As my friend Jen pointed out, and I totally agree with, red lace looks cheap.  Always.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone wearing it, where it looked good.  Just a universally bad idea.  Rose, I hardly recognized this Bridesmaids actress.  She actually looks a lot like Minka Kelly.  So yeah…the jumpsuit.  I  mean, first off – JUMPSUIT.  Super hard to pull off.  And I just didn’t feel it here.  Perhaps if it wasn’t completely covered in sequins/beads, it might have worked.  But the entire look is so Vegas – you just know Celine is going to bust this out at some point in her show (if she hasn’t already).

So they’re not wearing the same dress, but they sure look identical.  And why is it that I love the look on Katrina but not Julianne?  I’m not sure.  I mean, the white does look good with Katrina’s hair, but it’s not like it looks bad with Julianne’s.  I guess Julianne does have a slighter pink hue to her skin tone and it blends too much with her dress; Katrina’s slight tan looks perfect against her white dress.  A perfect example of how the same dress just looks better on one person – a “Who Wore It Best,” if you will.

More white (and black) dresses.  All of which I disliked.  Actually, forget Amber’s dress, it was her Bride of Frankenstein hair and make-up that was outrageous.  Jolie was reminiscent of her Billy Bob goth days in this dress, the fabric of which looks really cheap.  Judy Greer takes us 180 degrees in this dress, which serves as the exact opposite of Lea’s sexed-up gown.  Sorta a 70s, Partridge Family look.  Blossom’s dress had an awful fit up top – and the bottom of the dress doesn’t match the style of the top of the dress, to me.  Kristen Wiig dress was so-so; it’s the metal choker that just sealed the deal on ugly.

All of these are great.  I don’t have much to say about them, just wanted to include some pretty-ness….

….before I brought you the finale.

HOT MESS OF THE NIGHT

I don’t know, people.  Firstly, my friend didn’t even recognize little Brittney from Glee.  I think the outfit was just blinding them from looking at the person wearing it – good news for Heather Morris.  And as much as I made fun of Shaliene for wearing a mid-90s outfit, this is more like 1990 and ten times worse.

What do you think?  Donna Marten or Kelly Kapowski?  I mean, there are just so many horrible elements to it – mini skirt, sheer overlay, pleather(?) sides, bad off-the-shoulder.  It just didn’t stand a chance.

Well, I wish I’d seen the actual ceremony.  Why?  Oh, just one reason:

Tina and John presenting together!

You know, I might just have to start expanding my awards show repertoire.  There’s only a few major awards shows.  Even 30 Rock knows this: they featured the Kids’ Choice Awards in Season 3.  Jack and Jenna attend to promote her new Janice Joplin biopic….er, I mean, Jackie Jormp-Jomp (there was an issue with buying the rights).

Jack:  No, Jenna, I want you on the PR warpath. If there’s a red carpet, I want you on it talking up the movie, starting Monday.

Jenna: The Kid’s Choice Awards? Fine, I’ll set aside my feud with Raven-Symoné for one day, but she knows what she did.

**************************

Child Reporter: Whose Mom are you?

Jenna: Thank you!  Well tonight’s about having fun!  I’m wearing Taylor Dayne for Express.

Ahh, Winter Madness has arrived….up North.  Yeah, down here in Flor-da, we’re doing just fine with our 80 degrees, sunny-all-the-time weather.  Actually, it is a bit warm.

My friend, Melissa, writes about her detest of winter clothing on her blog this week.  The endless layers, the fact that sweaters and boots do nothing to make her feel sexy… I had to laugh.   She reminded me of winters past, spent in Boston and DC.  Hell, I even wore a sleeveless dress – with flip flops! – this week in her honor.

I spent the last nine years living outside of Florida – I was in Boston for six years and DC for three years.  But not all at once.  It was more like this:

FL -> Boston –> DC –> Boston –> DC –> FL

I get a little restless sometimes.  But I like how I went full circle!

What I took away from my time there, one of the things anyway, is how damn long the winter is.  I distinctly remember my first winter in Boston; it was my first real winter.  The first snow?  It was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.  I had never seen snow falling (I saw it once, but it was already on ground, not as fun), so this was A BIG DEAL.  My roommate, Beth, and I ran outside at 6am, high on excitement.  We were those people.

We lived in an apartment complex, right on the Green Line (city living), where there was only a small median between the sidewalk and the streets.  We were playing in the snow, with no gloves, video taping the experience.  God, being a Floridian who laughs at tourists at Disney with their crazy-ass outfits and Mickey Ears, I know exactly how ridiculous we looked.  However, it was awesome.  I’ll never forget it.

colder than you think.

So, some thoughts on Real Winter:

1.  Layers are ANNOYING – Besides being an unexpected expense (who knew how much coats were!?), clothing in the winter is a pain to go out in.  While it might be 15 degrees out, it’s nice and warm in the bars/restaurants so you end up taking off 75% of your outfit and trying to sling it over a chair.  Or, you have to check it – and being from FL, I had never checked anything before.  So I was skeptical about leaving my stuff with strangers and then tipping them to keep it.  However, the worst was when you were out with nowhere to sit and you end up throwing your winter gear in a big pile with a dozen other people (your friends, strangers, homeless people), and just hope that your shit doesn’t get grabbed by the wrong person.  Or worse, stolen.  I lost my FAVORITE coat at an Irish pub in DC.  I left it laying in a corner with other people’s stuff and when I went to leave, the jacket was nowhere to be found.  “Maybe someone confused it with theirs?” you might say.  You would be wrong.  It was a PURPLE wool jacket and it was LARGE – no average girl is going to grab that thinking it’s hers.  To this day I’m certain a large pretty boy walked out of that bar with my fancy purple coat on.

Oh, and walking home with no coat in January?  NOT FUN.

2.  College Girls (and slightly older) still dress like strippers. – Hey, I’m not gonna lie.  When I was 22 in Boston my friends and I walked out of the house in mini skirts and tube tops.  Just throw a jacket and scarf on, you’ll be fine ’till we get there.  Yes, and that works…up until a point.  That point being when it’s: FIVE degrees, the wind is blowing UPWARDS, you are basically naked from the waist down (who needs tights under this dress??) and in high-heels trying not to break your ankles on the cobblestone next to Fanueil Hall.  Once you do that a few times (hey, some people are slow to learn), you’ll give up your dreams of being sexy in the winter.  

4.  Snow is RULL Cold –  Snow is so pretty, you just want to lay in it (see above).  But beware, that is frozen water.  Yes, obviously one should know this.  But when you’re caught up in the seeming fluffiness of it all, you’ll throw yourself down into a Snow Angel, without really thinking about the ramifications.  Namely, that frozen water going down your jeans.  COLD!

And don’t touch it with your bare hands.  Beth and I were so stupid on that one.

4.  It’s long.  Really long.  –  As excited as I was to experience snow and cold and all that jazz, I kinda forgot about how long it stays cold.  I mean, months and months of cold weather.  My birthday is in June, so I figured that the weather would be awesome by then.  Nope. I clearly remember going to a beach on my first birthday in Boston; it was cold and foggy and windy and wet.  I was not impressed.  I think this was the point where I went from being “Miss Mary Florida Sunshine,” (a co-worker called me this) to an Angry Northerner.

3.  Seasonal Affective Disorder is REAL – Being “Miss Mary Florida Sunshine,” I had the pleasure of growing up in a city where it was sunny 99% of the time.  You noticed when it cloudy for more than a day – it was strange.  I mean, even when it rained, the sunny was out like 15 minutes later; sometimes it even rained in the sunshine!  So adjusting to this Winter Madness, not easy.  Not only is cold out, but it’s DARK.  I went from being in school in FL – where I was outside a lot of the time, to working all day in Boston – where I hardly ever got outside during the day.   To leave the house when it’s gloomy out and come home when it’s dark…it gets to you.  I could feel the sunshine draining right out of me.  It got to where I didn’t want to do anything but snuggle up on the couch, with my warm (fattening) foods and not move for the night.  I eventually started to force myself to go out – the layers! – but I certainly wasn’t happy about it.  After 4 years in Boston, my doctor told me I had low Vitamin D levels.  You know, the same Vitamin D that you get from being out in the sun.  I remember glaring at him, saying “OH REALLY?  I WONDER HOW THAT HAPPENED?!”  I wasn’t really depressed at that point, so much as I was officially an Angry Northerner.

5.  When it’s over, it better be over.  – See, we’ll take the winter.  We’ll tough it out for those four six months.  But when it’s supposed to end, when it’s supposed to be Spring/Summer, it sure as hell better be nice out.  That first day of Spring, when it’s warm (47 degrees) and sunny (you can see a glimmer of sun) for the first time in half a year – people will BUST OUT into the city.  They will put on those running shorts, throw the kids in the strollers, and camp their un-tanned asses on The Common.  And they will be so happy.

Which is why they do not take bad weather, outside of Winter, well.  If it even looks like it’s going to rain, they pitch a fit.  At first I didn’t understand.  It’s only a little rain, it’s just DRIZZLING.  But they acted like a Hurricane had planted itself into a perfect fine July day.  And you know what?  They should.  After six months of being stuck inside, they deserve that sunshine!  Give them the sunshine!  (Especially when it’s June and your birthday)

All of that to say, I do miss the Winter from time to time.  Especially when I see people posting about the fun stuff – first snowfall in the city, skiing at Sugar Loaf, ice skating at The Frog Pond, watching it all from a warm fire indoors with some hot chocolate…SNOW DAYS!  I even miss my scarves 🙂

Liz Lemon has a couple of complaints about January; namely, how it impairs her ability to judge men.

JACK: Good morning, Lemon.

LIZ:  Ugh. I hate January.  It’s dark and freezing, and everyone’s wearing bulky coats.  You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.

Work is awful.  Everyone’s snippy and tense.

JACK:  Well, the lack of sun makes people depressed.  It’s called seasonal affective disorder.

LIZ:  Oh, is that where the word “sad” comes from?

JACK:  What?  You think “sad” is an acronym invented by psychologists?

Watch it here!

Growing up bi-racial has its pluses and minuses.  I realize I’m not the first generation of mixed-raced children; I think this really began a couple of decades before me, about the time that President Obama was born.  It was very rare back then, especially between a black man and a white woman.  By the time I was born in 1980 it certainly wasn’t unheard of, but it was still a relatively new topic for our society (especially in the more conservative areas).

My (white) grandparents used to worry that we would be picked-on because we were bi-racial (they should have been more worried we’d be picked on for being nerds).  I was surprised to know they felt that way, because I never experienced any “real” harassment growing up.  I say “real” because, well, I’ll just show you:

Could I *be* wearing anymore pink?!

Yeah, this was basically child abuse.  Anyone who sends their bi-racial (with a tendency to be confused for multiple races) child out, looking like this, should be arrested.

It was awful.  I was in 2nd grade and showed up to school wearing this – the kids had a blast calling me “Eskimo!”  And as much as I loved that coat – pink! – I hated being called an Eskimo more.  I think I wore it to school a total of two times.  Don’t worry, it never got below 50 in Florida, I didn’t actually even need a coat.  Especially one with a faux-fur hood (NO ONE NEEDS ONE OF THOSE).

Also, you don’t have to say it; there’s nothing wrong with being an Eskimo, I know that.  But when you’re 7 and being called anything and laughed at…well, it’s no fun.

I think one of the advantages I have is being able to shift in and out of different ethnic groups easily.  I feel comfortable hanging out with any group of color (wow, that sounded RACIST).  Why?  Because most people have a hard time figuring out what I am.  It usually goes a little like this:

So…what is your…..where do you….where are you from?

Normally, I just mess with them and say “I’m from Florida” with a straight, I’m-not-sure-what-you-meant face.  Yeah, I know it can be an awkward question to ask someone.  However, it doesn’t bother me at all.  I actually find it hard to believe that many would care being asked their background these days.  I always explain,

I’m an Alabama Asian.  My Mom is from Thailand and my Dad is a white guy from Alabama.”

Where’s my PC medal??

Yup, I can pass for many races: Hispanic, Hawaiian, Native American, (half) black, and most any kind of Asian (let’s me honest, no one’s confusing these hips & thighs with being Japanese…so tiny!).  I mainly get get confused for being Hispanic, dare I say Mexican, and have had countless people speak to me in Spanish.  Both Hispanics and whites do this….AND black men trying to hit on me in DC.

HOLA, SENORITA! COMAS ESTAS??

Sigh.

So, back to the advantages.  I can mix it up with most peeps.  When I moved to Boston (the second time), I started working for an inner-city charter school.   Later on, one of my co-workers confessed that they thought I was black when I applied.

We saw your name – “Kristina Jones” – and thought you were one of us!

Yeah, I have a black girl’s name.  Kristina, with a “K,” and the last names Jones?  I see it.  I do.

When I arrived, though, they thought I was Hispanic.  I can’t blame them.  The celebrity I most look like?  America Fererra, of “Ugly Betty” fame.  I once dressed up as her for Halloween.

I might have gone a little overboard. Might.

Did I mention that I also worked for a Hispanic organization?  Yes.   And when my boss asked if I spoke Spanish, I  casually replied, “un poco.”

I’m nothing if not smooth.

So, as a result of looking like several minorities, I end up being accepted by all.  I feel lucky that I don’t feel out of place, or uncomfortable, around any group.

Growing up, I actually felt like I was totally white.  This was helped by the fact that my classmates and friends were mostly white, my extended family (on my Dad’s side) is all white…I was a reflection of what was around me.  It was never a problem, me believing I was white.

That is, until I thought about acting.

No, I never seriously considered acting, but there was that hot second when I desperately wanted to be in movies like Little Women or Anne of Green Gables, or on “Little House on the Prairie.”  (Yeah, I’m a “Little House” fan.  What?)  I was obsessed with books and movies and shows that took place in the past.  Problem was, I didn’t exist during those times.  Sure, part of me existed…but the me that I saw in the mirror – well, it certainly wasn’t getting me a role in Gone With the Wind.

So yeah, that was the main downfall of my minority status.  I couldn’t find fame as a period actor.  I’ve led a tough life.

Back to that idea of being a reflection of your surroundings.  I listed to a great speech Junot Diaz gave when he was visiting the Hispanic organization I worked at.  He was speaking to our staff about growing up Hispanic in America.  He mentioned that one of the reasons he writes is to put his reflection out there.  See, he grew up not seeing himself, or his people, reflected in the media.   The TV he watched, the movies he saw, the books he read – they were void of Hispanics characters and references.  When you don’t see yourself in society, you don’t feel like you belong.  You feel like an outsider.  It’s a loss of self, of identity.  He wanted to create something that was a reflection of who he was, so that others might see themselves in it.

And that totally resonated within me.  I felt that way growing up.  Sure, I was apart of, and accepted by, my white community, but I always felt a little slighted.  I always wished there were things out there that spoke directly to me, who I was.  Whether it be on TV, at the movies, in the books I loved.  There’s only so much Sweet Valley High you can read or “Full House” you can watch without wondering where you are in all of this.

For a long time I wished I looked like the way I felt.

Over time, this feeling has changed.  It’s been a combination of things – mainly, getting older and becoming more confident in myself and liking what makes me different.  Also, it’s been what Junot talked about – seeing my reflection in society.  Seeing different minorities portrayed over the various media, it’s made a difference.  It’s given me something to identify with.  It’s made me feel welcome in my own country.  I know that sounds cheesy, and a bit dramatic, but it’s true.  There’s nothing quite like seeing something and thinking “that’s totally me!”

Like this scene from Season 5 of 30 Rock:

I should have auditioned for that!

Until recently, my Mom thought that voicemail was the same as an answering machine.  As in, the message that you are leaving is being played out loud somewhere.  She knows that my brothers and I all have cell phones, so I’m not quite sure where she thought these messages were being aired – did she think that it played out loud even if we didn’t answer?

So, for many, many years, my Mom would leave voicemails for me in the following manner:

(NOTE: My Mom calls me “Na.”  She cuts off the first part of my name, Kristina, and just uses the last two letters.  Classy.)

MOM:  Hellooo!  Naa!  Are you there?  Pick up the phone! Hello?!  Naa!  Where are you?  This is your Mother!  Pick up the phone!  Hellloooo?? Na!!!  (CLICK)

Very funny to listen to – my friend, Luis, LOVES to call and leave messages where he pretends to be my Mom.  I tried telling her for a long time I can’t HEAR the messages when she is leaving them, but she continued doing it.  And if you didn’t call her back right away, she would leave more messages – each one escalating in tone.  There was no avoiding my Mom, even when I lived 1,000 miles away; the woman would find me.

Her phone etiquette leaves something to be desired.  She tends to end her conversations abruptly – as in, she doesn’t say goodbye, she’d just sorta hangs up.

ME: Hey Mom, I’m over at Megan’s house.

MOM: You at e-Megan’s house? (My Mother puts the “E” sound in front of all my friends’ names, don’t know why)

ME: Yeah.

MOM: Ok.

(CLICK)

Now, she wasn’t mad at me or anything, she was simply done with the conversation.  I sometimes wonder if this is a Thai thing; she was born and lived there until she was 23.  Perhaps there’s a whole different set of phone rules there.  At any rate, she’s mostly stopped doing this, once I mentioned how it could be taken as rude, by some people.

When my friends used to call for me, my Mother would sometimes “flip the switch” on them.

MEGAN: Hi, is Kristina there?

MOM: Who is this?

MEGAN: Umm, Megan.

MOM: E-Megan?! No, she not here.  I don’t know where she is.  Do you know where she is?

MEGAN:  Umm, no, that’s why I was calling you.

MOM: If you see her, tell her to call me!

(CLICK)

Classic Mom, turning it back around on you.  At first my friends were taken aback by her phone mannerisms, but they’ve grown use to it – either than, or they have no idea what she’s saying anyways 🙂

Today’s quote comes to you from Season 1, Episode 9: “The Baby Show.”  I love this episode because we are introduced to Jack’s Mother, Colleen.  She is critical, overbearing, and opinionated – she is, in fact, awesome.  She and Jack’s relationship is probably my favorite on the show.  In this scene, Collen calls Jack….and gets through.

Liz: How long is Jack going to be?
Jonathan: He’s still on the phone…Area code 407?! Oh no! When did this happen?!
Liz: 407? Is that bad?
Jonathan: It’s fine! It’s going to be just fine!
Jack: [yelling] Jonathan! These cheap phones keep on shattering!
Jonathan: [to Liz] You can go in now.
Liz: No!

Jack: Who let 407 though? Jonathan, we have drills for this!
Jonathan: Liz distracted me!

A couple of months back, my good friend Bonnie convinced me that I should make some bear videos of my parents.  You know, those videos featuring animated bears that went viral in the last year or so.  You can create them using a website called Xtranormal.  My favorite bear video is the one about the iPhone 4 vs the HTC Evo. Classic!

I often call Bonnie and tell her the latest drama going on at home.  Living with my parents is sorta like being on “The Real World.”  I’m a child of the 90s, so I made that reference.  I realize that someone younger would have referenced “Jersey Shore” instead, but my parents hate the Italians – kidding!  After several calls revolving around conversations with my parents, we decided I should put all that good material to use.  Hence, The Bear Videos.

But before I introduce my first bear video, a couple of notes:

1. My parents are frugal, especially my Dad.  He doesn’t go out to eat – he doesn’t go out at all – he never buys new things (especially cars), he’s never carried a balance on his credit card.  He pretty much just sits on the couch all day watching non-cable Hulu and Netflix on TV.  This was somewhat necessary, since he was supporting three kids and a wife on a very modest salary.  And although we were financially stable, this lifestyle (or lack of) resulted in a lot less fun.  I can honestly say we NEVER went out as a family growing up.  Like, not even once.  Not out to Olive Garden, not out to the movies, not out at all.  [A post for another time:  we don’t celebrate things as a family].  We didn’t get a lot of “things” – compared to my friends, I had far fewer Christmas/Birthday gifts, not as many clothes/shoes, etc.  We lived a bare bones kinda life.  Ok, now I’m digressing.

This frugality spilled over into the house itself.  They never renovated the place.  If it ain’t broke (and I mean BROKE), don’t fix it!

It was built in 1976 and still contains the original following items:

a.  Carpet in the master bedroom, spare bedroom, and Florida room.  At one point the bedroom carpets were plush, even if  puke brown and creme, and now they are as flat and hard as a rock.

They did replace the living room carpet in the early 90s, at my mother’s insistence.  What color did she choose?  PINK.  Thank god it’s been 20 years and the color has faded to a nice….dirty-pink.

b.  Curtains in the living room.  When we moved into the place in 1984, the last folks left their curtains.  So my parents kept them.  They look like a fishing net.  They are currently hanging 10 feet from me.  They’ve never ever been washed, I’m pretty sure.  Take a look.

c.  Wallpaper/Fake Wood paneling in the dining room.  There are no words.  I’ll just show you –

This brings us to the video.  This conversation took place back in October.  My Mom and Dad were having a conversation that is not unusual in our house – Mom complaining to my Dad that she wants to replace “X” in the house.  Recently, it’s been the ugly-as-sin carpets.  This is how it normally plays out:

You sorta have to imagine this with a STRONG Asian accent.  My father’s voice on the other hand, pretty much monotone like that 🙂

So there you have it, the first Bear Video.  There will be more, many more, but I can’t reveal them all at once (I’m like your drug dealer).  Gotta let each one soak in.

FINALLY, the post title comes from Season 1’s “Blind Date.”  Liz and Frank are having a argument over how many bears he can use in his Bears vs. Robots skit.

Liz:  Frank!   How many bears did I say you could have?
Frank:  One.
Liz:  And how many do you see here?
Frank:  Um, four?
Liz:  Save a little money for the rest of us, Frank. You can’t spend a bunch of money on bear suits that are only gonna be seen for like 25 seconds.
Frank:  Liz, nobody’s gonna believe that a killer robot can get his ass kicked by one bear. It doesn’t make any sense.
Liz:  You’re trying to bring logic to the robot bear sketch? You can’t have four bears!
Frank: Well, how many can I keep?
Liz: One!

I’m really hopeful about a couple of this season’s new shows.  I mean, they’ve already axed several of them – Charlie’s Angels anyone? – but thankfully the ones I’ve been tuning in to are still safe.

Revenge (ABC, Wednesdays)

This show stars Emily VanCamp, an actress that I’ve been watching since Everwood was on the WB.  She was also on Brothers & Sisters, which I was slightly obsessed with last year (through NetFlix); and while I really loved the first two seasons, I lost interest around the third.  However, I didn’t realize that the show was no longer airing – in fact, when I first flipped onto Revenge, I thought it was a new episode of Brothers & Sisters.  Emily acts basically the same in every show she’s in – coy, charming, sweet – so it took me a a few minutes to realize these rich people weren’t the Walkers.

This show is right up my alley, as it’s targeted towards high school/college-age students.  That’s just about my TV mentality level – I’m partial to the Glee‘s and Gossip Girl‘s of the world 🙂  I was actually surprised ABC is airing this, as it seems much more suited for the CW or Fox.  I love the drama on this show – the acting is solid, there’s a good storyline, and a (mostly) non-cheesy script.  It centers around VanCamp’s character, also named Emily, who is seeking to avenge her father’s death.  He was framed for a crime he didn’t commit and, as a result, is left to rot in federal prison while his daughter is sent to a juvenile detention center.  I mean it’s no LOST, but still an entertaining way to pass through hump day.

Still not convinced?  It couldn’t hurt you to watch a few episodes – there’s plenty of eye candy 😉

Once Upon a Time (ABC, Sundays)

ABC is on a roll!  Once Upon a Time has actually become one of my favorite series that’s on.  And yes, it’s probably geared towards a younger (than me) crowd, but I’ll take it.  This ridiculous-sounding premise actually translates into a very entertaining show, complete with great acting, great storylines, and a compelling cast.

Jennifer Morrison stars as Emma Swan, who is brought to the city of  Storybrooke by her son, Henry, whom she gave away for adoption at birth.  Henry is under the impression that everyone in town is actual a character from one of the classic fairytales in his book.   They are all living in Storybrooke because of a curse cast by the Evil Queen (his adopted mother!), and currently have no memory of their former lives.

Yes, I know what I just told you, let it sink in.  Sounds crazy, and it is, but we’ve been given stranger plots and gone with it (again, LOST).  The key to breaking the curse is Emma, who is actually the grown-up child of Snow White and Prince Charming (stop laughing).  Henry convinces her to stay in Storybrooke and help him, even though she is more than a bit skeptical about the whole thing (READ: she doesn’t believe him at all).

Each episode focuses on a different character, and their lives in Storybrooke and the fairytale world.  We see how their past lives seeps into their current, influencing them even though they are unaware.  And it is this storytelling, quite like a fairytale, that captured my interest.  While the basic elements of each fairytale matches what we’ve grown up reading, it is the writers’ adds-on that really make the show.  The spin they place on certain classic tales, the layers and dimensions they give the characters, that’s what holds my interest.

And yeah, and there are some hot people starring in it:

So yes, there you have it, a couple of new shows that you would do well to watch; stress-free, entertaining, and full  of good-looking people.  What more do you want?

Oh, I know…
http://cdn.hark.com/swfs/player.swf?pid=qqhzrzzbjw
I Watch Boston Legal Before Realizing It Wasnt Star Trek ***

A classic line from Tracy Jordan, featured in Season 3’s Premiere, “Do-Over.”

***Still trying to figure out how to get the audio clip to embed in the post.

Sunday night I sat down for one of my favorite times of the year – Award Show Season!  The Golden Globes were on and I was prepared, laptop in lap, to record and publish my thoughts to the world….the world being my Facebook friends.  Hey, gotta start somewhere.  I have done this before – write about my opinion on the Best and Worst dressed, as well as comments during the awards ceremony about presenters, winners, hosts, etc.  And I’ve had a lot of fun doing it.  People have commented in the past that they enjoyed the commentary – I’m sure just as many people looked at their Facebook feed in horror, I’m thinking of my good friend Jeff right now 🙂

At any rate, the positive response I received on Sunday really prompted me to start this blog.  At first, I was afraid that I wouldn’t have a focus for the blog – I mean, there are only so many award shows each year.  However, I soon discovered that people loved hearing what my Mom has to say.  I would say it’s like “Shit My ___ Says,” but I don’t want to get trapped in that stereotype…especially since people have grown sick of it recently.  So, I figure I can mix things up; a little quoting from Mom, a little celebrity style, and a lot of WTF moments.  But I digress – back to the show!

During the Red Carpet pre-show, Madonna showed up and started chatting with one of the interviewers.  Here’s the scene that played out at my house:

Me: Wow, look at Madonna, she looks good.
Mom: Who is that?
Me: Madonna.
Mom: No, that’s not Madonna.
Me: Yes it is. I know Madonna, and it even says MADONNA on the screen.
Mom: No, I saw Madonna a few days ago. That’s not what she looks like.
Me: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??
Mom: I saw Madonna before you were even born.
Me: Mom, she didn’t start her career until AFTER I was born.
Mom: Wait. No. Not Madonna. I’m talking about Dolly Parton.
Me: *!?@%$#!

Yes, that Dolly.  Let me put it side-by-side for you.

Separated at birth?

I mean, I guess they look alike –  you know, in the same way all Asians look alike to white people.  I’ll let that one slide.

By far, my favorite part of any awards is judging the dresses.  Red Carpet, how you steal my heart (and crush it, many many times).  This year started off poor; I mean, there were some serious offenders out there.

1.  Train Wrecks 

 Zoey’s green number reminds me of dance outfit I wore in 1992, for Marky Mark’s “Good Vibrations” – it was wrong then, and it’s wrong now.  Piper P.’s dress is just plain ugly.  The sheer material around her breasts make it look like she has none.  And the color washes her out (more on nude dresses in a minute).  Meryl looks like she’s on the way to a rodeo.  I guess at this point she’s won so many awards she really doesn’t give a damn.

2.  Poor Fit

I love these women, but their dresses did nothing for them.  Natalie’s dress reminded me of Marilyn’s dress from “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend,” but it was too loose.  It made her look like a child.  I thought Tina’s dress was beautiful, but the cut made her look short and without a waist.  Emily’s dress, besides looking like she’s on Dynasty, was swimming on her – and I don’t care for the long sleeve/no sleeve look.

3.  Nude is NOT the New Black

Don’t get me wrong, I really like a couple of these (Julie and Charlize), but the problem is the color.  You have to be a certain complexion to wear nude, and you have to pick the right nude for your skin tone.  I feel like all of these dresses wash them out.  And perhaps they do look much better in person, but that majority of us are going to be looking at them from our TVs or PCs.  Fail.

3.  Let’s Get Married!

Bride, Mother of the Bride, and the Wedding Cake.  There, you’re all invited to the FUGLIEST wedding of the century.

5.  The Activist

I don’t hate it, but I don’t really care for it. I guess my biggest concern is that she looks like she has a giant AIDS ribbon on. Perhaps fitting, as she is basically the poster child for all causes. Always be an Activist.

There.  I got it all out.  Let’s move on to some great dresses.

I thought all of these gowns were excellent.  Even though Selma Hayek’s dress has 80s elements (metallic/geometric), it’s been modernized in just the right way.  Sofia V. seemed to be the favorite online; of course, she would look like a million bucks in a paper bag.  I loved the fact that Amber was able to find a sexy plus-size gown; something I know to be challenge.  Emma Stone ALWAYS looks good, I’m jealous of her style, it seems effortless.  On the flip side, Lea Michele looks like she put a lot of time into her look; I love this gown, even if it is a bit Vegas; it ages her, but perhaps that’s not a bad thing?  Finally, Ariel’s gown is unusually age-appropriate; it’s so fun, I would have worn something like that as a teenager. (LIE: I wore a black velvet spaghetti strap A-line dress with a WHITE MESH undershirt to my 9th Grade Homecoming Dance.  The horror.)

Finally, some random thoughts I had during the awards show itself:

• 8:50pm – Brad Pitt shouldn’t wear his hair long, unless he’s planning to make another Legends of the Fall.  Now THAT was some awesome hair.
• 9:03pm – From a distance, Michelle Williams’ dress looks like purple leopard print.  This is not a good thing.

• 9:20pm – OMG, can we just give a round of applause to Jonah Hill’s weight loss? Just saw footage from Moneyball…he looks so good now. I need to star in a movie with Brad Pitt. Instant motivation to work out.
• 9:28pm – George Clooney is funny, borrowing Brad’s walking stick. I wish he would do a throw back to his Roseanne hair…that shit was hot.
• 9:30pm – Why do women insist upon SQUISHING their breasts into gowns? I’m looking at you, Madonna. Also, the top of the dress is GREAT, the bottom, not so much.
• 9:35pm – Good lord, Jessica Alba. You look fantastic, it’s almost not fair. (and so tan and glittery looking, almost like a stripper).

Jessica’s Marchesa (love her dresses!) gown was actually my favorite of the night.  This could have looked like a bridesmaid/prom number on someone else, but she pulled it off flawlessly.

• 9:41pm – I’ve got myself a crush on Mr. Joseph Gordon-Levitt. He is adorably handsome.
• 9:46pm – What would it take for Leo DiCap to get a chiseled face? I’m always suprised how he went from Titanic to this weird baby-fat face that never goes away, no matter how tan and greasy and hairy he gets.
• 9:50pm – The back of Claire Dane’s dress = 100 times better than the front.
• 9:53pm – The fact that Matt LeBlanc is almost completely grey, makes me feel OLD. Also, shout out to Liz Lemon and Sue Sylvester on their penis joke! High Five!
• 10:03pm – I love the way Evan Rachel Wood carries herself. It almost makes me forget that the Loch Ness Monster is attached to her. Kidding, sorta. I do like this dress!

• 10:12pm – I want to brush Reese’s hair and dye her roots. She’s really letting herself go as a newlywed 😉

• 10:17pm – Martin S. looks like the Old Man from Up! Crazy big eyebrows.
• 10:28pm – Come on, Marky Mark. Give me SOME enthusiasm. “andherearethenominees.” (WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE TOP OF BEAL’S DRESS??)
• 10:35pm – Oh Colin Firth, you are still hot. How old is he?
• 10:50pm – Why is there a dog on stage? I need to see The Artist, obviously.

Such a good time – those three hours went by like that!  As my friend Ashley reminded me, only 42 days until the Oscars!

Finally, this post’s title comes from a Season 2 episode of 30 Rock, “Believe in the Stars.”  In it, Tracy and Jenna are arguing over whether it’s harder to be a white woman or a black man in America.  Liz sets them straight –

Lemon: “No one has it harder in this country today than women. It turns out we can’t be President. We can’t be network news anchors. Madonna’s arms look crazy.”

Well, hello there!

“Everything Sunny All the Time, Always” is here to bring a little bit of sunshine into your world.  And a little bit of funny.  And crazy.  And absurd.  Don’t worry, you’re safe here.  The title of this blog is a nod to my favorite television show, 30 Rock.  Since I believe it to be one of the funniest series, well ever, I knew it would be inspiration in helping me write.

Who am I?  A 30-something single gal, who recently moved back in with her parents.  Yes, that’s right, my parents.  In my childhood home, in my (still) purple bedroom, with a cork board proudly displaying high school photos and magazines clipping from the 90s.  I moved back to help out my aging parents – well, aging in the fact that they’re (only) in their early 60s and recently stopped working and therefore have nothing to do and are bored and depressed.  More on that later.

You’ll get to hear a lot of my parents in this blog, especially my mom.  She’s Asian and although she moved here almost 40 years ago, has a very thick accent that most have trouble understanding.  That’s right, it’s exactly the stereotype that you’re thinking – she’s not a Tiger Mom, she’s her own kind of crazy.  You’re gonna love it.

Besides my current living situation, I intend to discuss other parts of my life (working, dating), as well as various current events being shown by the media.  So yes, be prepared for anything.  Especially since I live in Florida, and ALL THINGS CRAZY start here.  Don’t believe me?  Listen to the news tonight, or in the weeks ago, you’ll see what I’m talking about.  All the nuttiest stories come out of here – teachers dating students, radical churches burning Korans, our inability to vote properly…yeah, that one hurt.  There are sites dedicated to the “wacky” news of Florida; we’re just that good.

Which is sorta how I came upon the title of this blog.  I never realized how literal the nickname was, “The Sunshine State,” until I moved away for a decade and experienced the real weather of the North (think: cloudy for days).  It certainly made me appreciate the insane bright sunshine when I visited, and when I returned.

In the 30 Rock episode featuring this line (and the title of the episode), it’s Margaret Cho playing Kim Jong-il, who gives the weather forecast for North Korea:

So, while life is not always sunny, we can certainly try to make them believe it is (blatantly lie to?).