For my addictions class, we have been asked to give up a substance or behavior for six weeks.  It should be something that we interact with on a daily basis; something we really don’t want to give up.  It doesn’t have to be something that is necessarily bad for us, it can be, but we need to be able to feel its effects when we remove it from our lives.

I chose Facebook.

Last week we wrote our “Dear John” letters to our addictions.  There were some criteria for what to include in the letter: how the addictive substance/behavior is loved and considered a “friend;” how it is sensual (appeals to the senses); how it provides “healing” or is a “balm” to our emotional wounds; how it controls and promotes feelings of helplessness and entrapment; and how it is hates – what is has “cost” us.

A couple of friends asked to read my letter, so I decided to post it here.  Initially, I was going to blog during this 6 week Facebook hiatus.  However, after having a co-worker/classmate intervention this morning, it was determined that blogging would replace one addiction for another.  I would still be getting the “high” from blogging that I had from Facebook; feedback and interaction from friends/people online.

So…no blogging.

I’m going to wrote the posts, but refrain from posting them until the project is over.  We are required to keep a journal during this six weeks, so this will fulfill that.  When the hiatus is over, I will post some of my journal entries on here.

And with that explanation out of the way, here’s the letter:

January 22, 2014

Dear Facebook,

This is a hard letter for me to write, especially to you. However, I know that this is the best decision for me right now.  I have to leave you.

Please know and understand, we have had some wonderful times together. You have provided me with an outlet, in several ways. I have been able to visit old friends through you – people I have not been in touch with personally in many years. It has been wonderful to reconnect with many of these friends and reestablish a friendship.  You have also allowed me to view people from a distance. To remain in their life on the peripheral, watching their children grow through pictures and finding out the news in their lives.  Many days have been made better by a picture or status message posted by a friend.  I have smiled more, laughed, and shared in their joys.

As importantly, you have provided me a way to express my emotions in a safe environment. Whether it is good news or bad, the feedback from friends through you has lifted my spirits and given me a boost of confidence.  You have helped raise my self-esteem in many ways.  I know that I can go to you and write a status or post a picture and I will receive almost immediate feedback from friends, people who would not otherwise be in my life or provide me with their good thoughts and wishes.

You have provided me all of this, and for that I am grateful.

However, you have also fed my addictions. My need to compare my lives to others has been satiated through you. Mostly, I have used you in a way that is detrimental to my emotional health. Instead of realizing that there will always be those “better off” than me and those who are not doing as well, I have chosen to focus on the people who currently have the life I have been striving for. I see my peers, who are my age, married with children and this makes me painfully aware that I am “behind” in the timeline I once set for myself.

I know that many people only choose to publicize the best parts of their lives, and they really do have bad days/situations, but I can’t help but focus on those life goals I have yet to reach. I then struggle with wanting to celebrate their joys, but at the same time feeling sad for myself in the process. It’s not a healthy way for me to live.

You have also fed my ego. When I’m looking for a “cheap fix,” something to make me feel better about myself, I’ll post something funny or cute and wait for others to tell me they like it – either through “likes” or comments.  This has both positive and negative effects.  I described the positive earlier; I think the negative is that I have learned to measure my happiness though others.  I have become dependent on those likes and comments to fulfill some emotional deficits within me.

You are also preventing me from accomplishing goals in my life.  When I get bored, I turn to you instead of something more constructive, such as my personal writing, reading for pleasure, or school-related research or homework.  I often refer to you as a “time suck.” It’s so easy to get lost reading the pages of others, looking through pictures, taking quizzes that others have posted, or reading articles that they’ve shared.  Some of this has benefited me, but most of the time it has been an unnecessary use of my time.  There are a lot of personal goals I need to work on, but I’ve used us as a crutch to put them off.

You have taken some things from me, one being sleep.  I spent a lot of time before bed, reading up on others’ pages instead of sleeping.  I need that sleep. When I’m with my friends, I find myself turning to you – checking to see if someone has posted something interesting.  It keeps me from living in the moment and truly enjoying the time I have with others.  Even if it’s a quick check-in, or taking a picture simply for the purposes of posting on my page, it all amounts to the same thing.  I am shifting my focus from the moment.

When I see “bad” photos of myself posted by others, where I feel that I don’t look my best, it can cause me a lot of anxiety.  I fear the critical eyes of others when they view it.  So even though you build my self-esteem, you also destroy it.

I know now that you have become an addiction for me.  I want to feel free from you; free to live my life without wondering what is going on in your world, scared that I am missing out on something important.  I want to be comfortable without you; able to be in the moment and enjoy my time with friends.  I want to stop using you as a crutch; to start focusing on goals that mean more to me and that will help me to achieve happiness and success.

It is for all of these reasons that I am leaving you.  I hope you can understand.

Love,

Kristina

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The title of this post refers to the social network featured on 30 Rock, called YouFace: