A couple of months back, my good friend Bonnie convinced me that I should make some bear videos of my parents.  You know, those videos featuring animated bears that went viral in the last year or so.  You can create them using a website called Xtranormal.  My favorite bear video is the one about the iPhone 4 vs the HTC Evo. Classic!

I often call Bonnie and tell her the latest drama going on at home.  Living with my parents is sorta like being on “The Real World.”  I’m a child of the 90s, so I made that reference.  I realize that someone younger would have referenced “Jersey Shore” instead, but my parents hate the Italians – kidding!  After several calls revolving around conversations with my parents, we decided I should put all that good material to use.  Hence, The Bear Videos.

But before I introduce my first bear video, a couple of notes:

1. My parents are frugal, especially my Dad.  He doesn’t go out to eat – he doesn’t go out at all – he never buys new things (especially cars), he’s never carried a balance on his credit card.  He pretty much just sits on the couch all day watching non-cable Hulu and Netflix on TV.  This was somewhat necessary, since he was supporting three kids and a wife on a very modest salary.  And although we were financially stable, this lifestyle (or lack of) resulted in a lot less fun.  I can honestly say we NEVER went out as a family growing up.  Like, not even once.  Not out to Olive Garden, not out to the movies, not out at all.  [A post for another time:  we don’t celebrate things as a family].  We didn’t get a lot of “things” – compared to my friends, I had far fewer Christmas/Birthday gifts, not as many clothes/shoes, etc.  We lived a bare bones kinda life.  Ok, now I’m digressing.

This frugality spilled over into the house itself.  They never renovated the place.  If it ain’t broke (and I mean BROKE), don’t fix it!

It was built in 1976 and still contains the original following items:

a.  Carpet in the master bedroom, spare bedroom, and Florida room.  At one point the bedroom carpets were plush, even if  puke brown and creme, and now they are as flat and hard as a rock.

They did replace the living room carpet in the early 90s, at my mother’s insistence.  What color did she choose?  PINK.  Thank god it’s been 20 years and the color has faded to a nice….dirty-pink.

b.  Curtains in the living room.  When we moved into the place in 1984, the last folks left their curtains.  So my parents kept them.  They look like a fishing net.  They are currently hanging 10 feet from me.  They’ve never ever been washed, I’m pretty sure.  Take a look.

c.  Wallpaper/Fake Wood paneling in the dining room.  There are no words.  I’ll just show you –

This brings us to the video.  This conversation took place back in October.  My Mom and Dad were having a conversation that is not unusual in our house – Mom complaining to my Dad that she wants to replace “X” in the house.  Recently, it’s been the ugly-as-sin carpets.  This is how it normally plays out:

You sorta have to imagine this with a STRONG Asian accent.  My father’s voice on the other hand, pretty much monotone like that 🙂

So there you have it, the first Bear Video.  There will be more, many more, but I can’t reveal them all at once (I’m like your drug dealer).  Gotta let each one soak in.

FINALLY, the post title comes from Season 1’s “Blind Date.”  Liz and Frank are having a argument over how many bears he can use in his Bears vs. Robots skit.

Liz:  Frank!   How many bears did I say you could have?
Frank:  One.
Liz:  And how many do you see here?
Frank:  Um, four?
Liz:  Save a little money for the rest of us, Frank. You can’t spend a bunch of money on bear suits that are only gonna be seen for like 25 seconds.
Frank:  Liz, nobody’s gonna believe that a killer robot can get his ass kicked by one bear. It doesn’t make any sense.
Liz:  You’re trying to bring logic to the robot bear sketch? You can’t have four bears!
Frank: Well, how many can I keep?
Liz: One!