It was my mother’s birthday last week – on either the 1st or the 2nd, depending on how you choose to celebrate.

See, for the first 18 years of my life, I thought my Mom was born on the 2nd.  You know, Groundhog’s Day.  That’s when we’d give her her card and gifts, buy her a cake, etc.

Around the time I went to college, my Mom revealed the following.

MOM: You know it’s not my birthday today.  (Today being the 2nd)

ME:  What?

MOM:  It’s not my birthday.  I was born on the 1st.

ME: WHAT?

MOM:  Yeah, I was born on the 1st.

ME: What are you talking about, Mom??  Your birthday is the 2nd!   We’ve been celebrating it on the 2nd my entire life!

MOM: No, it’s on the 1st.  Ask your father.

DAD:  Yeah, it’s on the 1st.

ME: WHAT??  Why didn’t you ever tell us that?  We’ve been celebrating it on the 2nd forever!

MOM: I just thought you forgot.

ME:  EVERY YEAR?!

Oh, she’s for real.  Her birthday is indeed on the 1st and she never bothered to correct us.  Ever.  And my Dad?  Well, he probably just wasn’t aware of what day it was when we were celebrating.  I’m guessing it wasn’t a big deal that we were celebrating on the wrong day, because birthdays aren’t a big deal at my house.  Or celebrating anything, actually.

Judging purely by photos, I had my first birthday party when I turned 4.  Four.  Let that sink it.  In today’s over-celebratory generation, especially with children’s birthdays, this would be criminal.  I can tell you of multiple people I know who’s children’s 1st Birthday parties cost  more than all my birthday parties combined.  I don’t even have to ask my parents why I didn’t have a party before that age, I already know what the answer is:

1.  Third child syndrome – After the first kid, things go downhill in the celebration department.  Sure, my bro has pics from his 1st birthday, but by the time I rolled around, it was old news.  This goes for any milestone event: walking, first words, etc.  Just not as exciting as you hit it the third time around.  ALSO, pictures were not a priority for my parents.  My Dad took all of them – to this day, my Mom STILL can’t operate a camera (I know, she’s ASIAN, how can that be??).  There are very few pics of me as a baby/toddler.

2.  Babies Don’t Know It’s Their Birthday – This I kinda agree with.  There’s no need to go overboard on a party for a baby who’s not really cognizant of what is going on and will never remember this moment past it happening.  Yes, I realize I give my dog presents on his birthday (and treats), but I don’t go overboard.  And while I’m sure my brother had a first birthday party, I can guarantee you there wasn’t a petting zoo involved.  Or a circus in the backyard.  I realize that type of hyped-up partying has only come about in the last 10 years or so, but I wanted to bring it up because of how ridiculous I find it.  So anyways – no harm in giving the baby some cake and gifts, but anything much more than that and it’s being done for the parents (perhaps to show-off to other parents?).

3.  Maybe I had a party and they forgot to take pictures? (see #1)

At any rate, birthdays are not a big deal with the ‘rents.  My Dad doesn’t like holidays or parties or celebrations (or groups of people, or being social…this could go on and on) and my Mom is very laissez-faire about the whole thing as well.   I can totally see her just going with the flow when we gave her stuff on the 2nd.

SIDENOTE:  My oldest brother texted me on the 2nd, to ask which day her birthday was.  Yes, it’s still a problem for us.

Dates have never been a strong suit for my Mom.  She’s forgotten my birthday.  Twice.

The first was when I turned 18.  Eighteen, pretty big deal, right?  I had been planning my birthdays since I was 12 – so I already had something to do that day.  Nothing big, just going to Blue Springs with some friends.  That morning as I was getting ready to leave, my Mom and I got into some little argument.  I don’t remember what it was about.  But I said something along the lines of “Do you have ANYTHING you want to tell me?”  “No.  What are you talking about?”  I left for the Springs.

When I got home I talked to my Dad on the phone and told him “your WIFE forgot it was my birthday.”  (Yeah, I pulled that on him.  Much like when parents argue, “I don’t know, he’s YOUR son!”)  I think that made him feel bad.  They ended up buying some spongy cake for me, and we had some people over.  No circus, no petting zoo, no balloons even 🙂

My Dad must have felt extra-guilty, because he bought me a present.  99% of the time, my parents give us money for any holiday/birthday.  They never know what to buy us, so they don’t even try.  However, that year my Dad bought me a gift.  A new phone for my room.  It had Caller ID on it.  Pretty fancy for 1998.

The second birthday my Mother forgot was my 25th.  In her defense, I was living in Boston at that time.  How was she expected to remember her only daughter’s birthday when she wasn’t even living in the same state? 😉

So my Mom actually called me on the day of my birthday, letting me be fooled into thinking she remembered.  However, she soon revealed her actual reason for calling: the cat had died.  Mittens, our ever faithful calico, whom my Mother found hanging around the Garden section of K-Mart back in the mid-80s.  She was our “Blue Light Special” cat.  Our consolation prize pet, since we weren’t allowed to have a dog (we had one, but my parents gave him away on Thanksgiving.  Another story for another night).  Anyways, Mittens was around 19 years old at that time.  She had led a good life.

My mother explains to me on the phone:

MOM:  E-Mitt died today  (remember, she adds “E” to everyone’s name).   Yeah, I went outside this morning and looked and there she was lying in the grass.  I went over to her and noticed she wasn’t moving!  I touched her, hard as a rock!  We buried her behind the shed.

ME:  It’s my birthday, Mom.

MOM:  Oh, yeah!  I knew it was one of these days!  Happy Birthday.  How old are you?

Yeah, no big deal that we celebrated her birthday on the 2nd all those years 😉

30 Rock had a live episode last season.  One of the storylines is that it’s Liz Lemon’s 40th Birthday (her birthday is October 14th  we find out, the same as one of my best friends), but everyone had forgotten.

Liz:  Are you sniffing paint?

Jack:  Of course I am, Lemon. Men need alcohol. It gives us the ability to hit on women and later, when we’re married, to tune them out. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. This is the worst day of my life.

Liz:  YOUR LIFE?  Of YOUR LIFE?

Jack:  Oh god.  How are we going to make this about you?

Liz:  It’s my birthday, Jack!  It’s my fortieth birthday and no one remember!

Jack:  Damn ye, she-beasts!

Liz:  What?

Jack:  You and Avery, you lay these traps for me to fail. Lemon, I’m sorry I forgot your birthday. I’m not myself right now. Please accept this, uh… thousand dollars as my gift to you.

Liz:  I’m gonna accept this on principal, but it doesn’t change anything.