I’m a little freaked out.

Early Monday morning, at 3:30am, I woke up. I saw Toby laying on the ground in my room, and I reached over to set my alarm (I had forgotten to do it before I went to bed). As I was doing that, I heard some noises outside my window. Noises, like a person stepping in leaves and plants. OUTSIDE MY WINDOW. My window was half-open, with the blinds down; it had been cool that night, so I decided to leave the window open.

The noise was coming directly from outside the window, which was only a foot or so from my bed. I swear to you, it sounded like a person walking up beside my window. I sat up in bed and Toby growled. He never does this. He got up and trotted over to the front door.

The noise continued.

I got out of bed and turned on the hallway light.

The noise continued.

I went to the front door and turned on the porch light, and walked back to my room.

The noise stopped.

I was seriously freaked out. I woke my Dad up and told him what I heard. He went outside with Toby to check things out –> I felt a little guilty about this. My Dad isn’t the most hardy guy anymore; I basically sent him out there to be attacked. With my dog, no less. But I wasn’t going out there!

Of course, he didn’t see anyone. He turned on the flood lights in the front and back, but found nothing.

Then he told me to go back to sleep.

I DON’T THINK SO.

I understand that whoever/whatever it was, was no longer outside (I hoped). The lights, along with us, had scared them off. But, I don’t know, there’s something about thinking that an attacker is outside your window…it just wakes you up!

Dad stayed up in the living room for an hour or so, but I couldn’t go to sleep. Even though we had closed/locked all the windows, I just didn’t feel safe. I was panicked. I barely slept until I had to wake up at 6am.

In the morning, I went outside to take a look outside my window. I looked at the leaves and plants/bushes, but couldn’t really determine if anything looked off.

It wasn’t until about 3pm that afternoon that the exhaustion insanity kicked in. I started coming up with “solutions.”

1. Get a rifle. Yes, I need a weapon. I need something to scare the hell out of someone. They open that window and I’ve got a barrel pointed at their head. Like I told my boss, “I’m a democrat, but I will SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE!”

2. Get a shotgun. My boss rightly pointed out that I should get a shotgun instead. Rifles just shoot one bullet at a time, while shotguns spray bullets…or something like that. Yes, shotgun it is.

3. Lay some dirt out below my windows. That way, if the creep does return, I have some proof that it’s a person (you know, if the plan to shoot him in the face doesn’t work out/I don’t wake up in time).

4. Fix the sensors on the flood lights. We have flood lights in the yard, but the stupid sensor doesn’t come on if you’re in front of my window. Helpful. Not.

5. Get a better (actual) guard dog. Toby is the worst guard dog in the world. He didn’t wake up until I did, and when he went outside all he did was pee. Worst. Ever.

One theory I have? There’s a neighbor, across the street to the left of us. He’s a Prison Guard – yes, I’m applying all the stereotypes to that statement. He’s quiet, keeps to himself – don’t talk to anyone, doesn’t have people over, always has the blinds closed. When the trio of hurricanes hit a few years ago, and a dozen trees fell in the neighborhood, one fell in his yard. My dad and some other guys were out there cutting it up with chainsaws – the guy didn’t even come outside to help or say thanks. Weird, right? Well, he has a in-law apartment out back. A few years ago he rented it out to a lady. She stayed for less than a week. While she was moving out, she ran into the neighbors next door and told, “you wouldn’t believe what he’s got in that house. You wouldn’t believe what he does in there. I’m not staying” AND SHE DIDN’T SAY WHAT IT WAS! Worse? THE NEIGHBORS DIDN’T ASK HER! What is wrong with people??

So yeah, I’m convinced he’s a killer/rapist and was stalking me.

That said, last night went ok. I wasn’t that freaked out, but I didn’t sleep that well. My Mother’s take on it “HAHA, you are chicken! HAHAHA!” Asian Moms = Most Supportive.

I think I’m gonna get that shotgun.

***********************************************************************************************************

Unlike the 30 Rock quote I’m referencing, I actually didn’t picture a black burglar. In my mind, crazy attackers are always white and middle-aged. So I do believe in stereotypes 😉

Tracy: I’m telling you, Dot Com, old-school racism is back.
Toofer: How can racism be back when we elected a black president?
Tracy: Barry Obams is the one who brought it back!
Toofer: So you’re saying that racism is back because white people no longer feel sorry for us?
Tracy: Hey, something’s going on. You know what I saw last night? A Slomin’s Shield commercial with a black burglar!
Dot Com: That’s not good.
Grizz: Come to think of it, I saw a white judge on Law and Order last night!
Tracy: Oh yeah, it’s back on! Get ready, son. All you’ve ever known is your affirmative action job and Queen Latifah CoverGirl commercials.

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