I went to Tampa and Naples last weekend to visit some high school and college friends.  Hard to believe, this was the furthest I’ve travelled since returning to Florida almost a year ago.  While in Naples, I stayed with one of my best friends, who decided to host a group of us for some weekend fun.  Being the awesome nerds that we are, we decided to have a game night, with some adult beverages – which was really a lot of fun.

Towards the end of the night, I went to the bathroom to change into my PJs.  I could still hear the conversation going on in the living room.  They had switched the topic to religion and were discussing agnostics vs. atheists and those of faith in general.  Someone stated that they couldn’t understand why anyone was agnostic.  It seemed cut and dry to them – you either believed in the existence of a god or you didn’t.  How could you be on the fence?  To them, it just didn’t make sense that anyone would be waivering on this topic.

Perhaps they viewed it as a sign of laziness, an inability to commit?  I’m not sure, since I didn’t have the opportunity to really delve into it with them once I returned to the living room (blame the lack of concentration on the adult beverages).  However, it really struck a chord in me because I am one of those people – someone who just doesn’t….know.  Can’t tell you for sure whether a god exists, and in which form they exist, and therefore choose to be open to either possibility (meaning that I don’t strike down those on either side).  I guess many would consider that agnosticism.

I wanted to find a superb definition, but since I’m lazy (and researching would have led to a tangent and not completing this post), here’s what Wiki has to say:

In the popular sense, an agnostic is someone who neither believes nor disbelieves in the existence of a deity or deities, whereas a theist and an atheist believe and disbelieve, respectively.  In the strict sense, however, agnosticism is the view that human reason is incapable of providing sufficient rational grounds to justify the belief that deities either do or do not exist.

I’m happy with the popular sense, in the context of my post (going into my thoughts on the strict definition would take too much time and tangents).

I’ve struggled with the idea of faith, and my faith in particular, for a number of years.  I’ve been exposed to a number of religions, read up on others, and have plenty of religious family and friends.  I’ve attended services, chatted with believers, and made myself open to the idea of faith and a specific religion.  And you know what I’ve discovered after 32 years?  Nothing has stuck.  Nothing has touched me or moved me in a way that would lead me to want to subscribe to that particular religion/faith/belief.

This used to really bother me.  I wondered if I was missing the faith gene (if such a thing exists – see I won’t even say whether I believe it does or doesn’t, lol).  Or that I was just incapable of making a decision and sticking to it.  See, I think it would be really wonderful to be a believer.  To have faith in something bigger than me.  Faith and religion bring comfort to so many, support and strength to them when they need it, and I found myself longing for the same feeling.

Now,  I’m not putting that out there as a cry for help – please don’t feel the need to evangelize to me.  Seriously.  I just wanted to be honest about the appeal of faith.  I think it’s a wonderful thing, for those that have it.  However, I am not one of those people, and I’m ok with that.  I’m still open to the possibility that it could happen to me in my lifetime, but I’m also comfortable with the idea that it won’t.  That I’m simply not wired in that way.  And that makes me neither a good nor bad person.

An extension of faith/religion in society is the set of morals you have and the way in which you conduct your life.  This, this I understand.  While I don’t care whether you have faith, or what your particular religion is, I do care about your values and morals.  Your actions, they affect me and the rest of society.  For me, being a good person is completely independent of your faith.  Now, this isn’t to say that religion isn’t a platform for communicating values and morals, it most certainly is, I’m just putting in the disclaimer that people don’t always follow their rules set out by their religion.

So where was I going with this?  I’m not entirely sure.  I have been wanting to broach this subject on my blog and the conversation last weekend prompted me.  I really was offended by this person’s statement.  Thinking about it more, I think they were indicating a lack of strength in being unable to “choose a side.”  And I honestly believe there’s no weakness in my position – that being agnostic means I don’t have the balls to decide what I believe (for lack of a better phrase).  In fact, I think being rooted in certain beliefs, unable to open your mind to other possibilities, is a barrier in creating good change and advancing our society.

I’m sure I’ll be exploring this topic more in the future.

TRACY:  Hey, Liz Lemon.  Do you know where I could find a good church?

LIZ:  How good?  Like, Judaism-good, or just, like, Unitarian?

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TRACY:  So, what’s your religion, Liz Lemon?

LIZ:  Hmm, I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tell me.